Friday, April 01, 2005

Actual Conversation I Had Today at McDonalds

Can you believe this guy was actually saying these things to me?

ME: I'd like a hamburger and a Coke.
MCDONALD'S GUY: Do you want fries with that?
ME: Pies?
MCDONALD'S GUY: No, I said fries.
ME: Oh.
MCDONALD'S GUY: Why? Would you want a pie?
ME: Why would I want a pie? That's a silly question. Pies are delicious!
MCDONALD'S GUY: So one pie?
ME: Whoa. Slow down there, Clint Eastwood. I didn't say I wanted a pie.
MCDONALD'S GUY: Sorry. I thought you did.
ME: Ok. I guess I need to explain this to you again. I said I "like" pie. I didn't say I "want" a pie. If I were a diabetic, I'm sure I would "like" insulin, but I wouldn't "want" insulin, at least not all the time. If I were a bear trainer, I wouldn't "want" to be mauled, but I might "like" to be mauled, especially if the mauling wasn't that painful or disfiguring, because it might give me the focus I need to become the bear trainer that my father said I'd never be, because I was too lazy and one of my legs was three inches shorter than the other one so I had to wear a corrective boot, and all of the kids at bear training school would make fun of me as I stared out the window onto the playground and dreamed that I was the King of Prussia. They'd call me "limpy", even though my limp was almost imperceptible while I was wearing the boot, and when we'd go in to train the bears, the kids would try to agitate them so that they would claw me. Well, who's clawing who now? I'm the best bear trainer in the world and more than half of those kids are dead by intelligent bears that I have commanded to seek out and kill.
ME: Actually, one pie, please. If you don't mind.


Blogger DrPat said...

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6:53 PM  

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